In this blog post, I will include a second version of my rough draft, with my own comments regarding each individual paragraph. I will determine how well each of my paragraphs focuses and develops a main idea, organizes itself internally, links ideas and provides smooth transitions (
Rules for Writers Chapter 4).
After
analyzing each of my paragraphs, I realized I have a lot weaknesses in my writing. For the most part, I stick to one specific idea or topic in each paragraph. However, I do not develop it fully or completely. Within one larger, less specific topic, I tend to explore or dabble into smaller and more concise sub-points. This is not a bad technique, but I have not done it carefully or completely enough just yet. Also, I do not provide smooth transitions between this sub-points, making my writing seem random and choppy. Additionally, some of my ideas are hypocritical. I need to revise and make sure that each idea has a proper analysis and explanation to it, and that I do not contradict myself or my thesis.
On the other hand, I have done some things very well. First off, my introduction and conclusion are now two of the strongest and most well-developed pieces of my writing, because I have rewritten and revised them. Secondly, in every paragraph, it is easy to identify the direction into where that paragraph is headed, and the topic I will be addressing. I provide a significant amount of evidence for each point or claim I make as well. Lastly, I am starting to think less implicitly, and more explicitly. As I have never written this way before, I know it will be difficult, but I have an idea on what this will look like now.
--Jenny Bello
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