Revised Introduction

In this blog post, I will be rewriting and revising my current introduction. I will be using the "Tips and Strategies" on page 52-53 of Student's Guide to help me through this process.

Lauren McElroy. "Introduction." 08/25/2008 via Flickr.
Attribution Non-Commercial 2.0 Generic License.

My new introduction is definitely more effective and practical for the assignment, and I feel more confident about it. I ended up throwing out my old thesis all together, and my current thesis is a combination of a lot of the sentences and ideas that I developed in the introduction. I grabbed the reader's attention, with the quote that I used in my previous introduction, yet I worded it a little differently. I tried to be more explicit with my audience, as well as give my opinion of the author's effectiveness. I am feeling much better about this introduction, and I think my audience will too.

In my old version of my introduction, I was not explicitly explaining or introducing the topic or purpose of my writing. My topic sentence, which I wrote to get my audience engaged, is now coming off as cliché and uninteresting. Also, my thesis is not adequately expressing the purpose of this rhetorical analysis. I'm actually relieved that I have been assigned this blog post, because it forces me to evaluate and revise my work.

--Jenny Bello